The Incident and The Lock

The Incident and The Lock

​From: Finding Unconditional Love a Little "Peace" at a Time​ by Jeanne Sanner

In chapters 50 and 51 of my book, Finding Unconditional Love a Little “Peace” at a Time, I share an event that changed my life, and though it may seem like a difficult experience to share, I want to assure you that there are no lingering negative feelings regarding it.

Chapter 50
The Incident - A Recollection

"Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil. For what is evil

but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst? - Kahlil Gibran

I HAD GONE TO Texas with Pam, my cousin. She was meeting her fiancé who was stationed there. It was late at night; I decided to give them some time alone.

I went to the motel swimming pool around 1:30 in the morning. I was raped by a man I didn’t know; I was still a virgin at nineteen.

I didn’t report the rape. I was from out of town; we were in a cheap motel; girls were not believed then; I concluded nothing would come of reporting it.

I became pregnant. Abortions were not legal except for fringe circumstances; mine was one of them. The process was a trying one. I was in college; it was miles away from the military hospital I was entitled to use since my father was in the Army. I took the train; it took hours. I took public transportation; it took patience; I called my brother; it took courage.

The process required exams of two psychiatrists to qualify for the abortion. The procedure required induced labor and delivery. The first time it was scheduled, I arrived only to discover that it was too soon; I had to be further along. I had to go back to school and wait some more. By the time the procedure was performed, I was three and half months pregnant.

I killed a child; there’s no way around that. I begged the doctor to tell me if it was a boy or girl; he refused. I’m glad; he spared me the burdened of thousands of images of the might- have-beens, but the sorrow lingers.

Chapter 51
The Lock - A Recollection

"Fear is the little darkroom where negatives are developed." - Michael Pritchard

I HAD ARRIVED HOME from Texas. It was my first night home alone. It was time to go to bed. I went to the front door to lock it.

I reached out for the bolt; I came to a dead stop just before my hand touched it. A crossroads; a fork; a decision. I paused. I had never locked my door before; there had never been a reason to.

I clenched my jaw. “NO! NO! NO! I will not become a victim a second time.” I had been his victim once, but I didn’t have to remain one. He controlled my body for a time, but he would not control another moment of my life.

I had a choice; go through life with fear or go through life with love. I didn’t lock the door; I slept through the night for the first time since the rape; I have not looked back since. Love won.

The secret of life isn’t what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you.​​

The Incident and The Lock is found in Who am I really? of the Park Benches: Explore Questions section of the Website.