STEP 2 Grab onto a Life Changing Formula
Don't worry... My FORMULA is simpler:
P + B = E = A (See, I told ya!)
Why do we feel what we feel and do what we do?
How can we change if we want to?
When we find the answer to the questions: Why do we feel what we feel? and Why do we do what we do? Then we can begin to change how we feel and what we do. That is what this formula has done for me.
What does the formula P + B = E = A mean?
Let me create two scenarios to demonstrate the concepts, and then I will define each item in the formula.
(these scenarios are NOT TRUE events.)
Scenario 1: Lunch with a Friend
I felt really foolish! We had not really established a specific spot we would meet, so I was sitting on a bench in the middle of the mall waiting for her - a friend of mine – Barbara. She is about 5’8”, bright red hair, and walks with a lot of energy and purpose. I finished a text I was sending; I looked up, and waaaaaay down on the other end of the mall – there she was, all 5’8” of her with her red hair flowing, her quick, long strides carrying her several feet at a time, heading straight my way, so I stood up, waved, and shouted – “Hey, Barb! Barb, here I am! Over here!”
And then, as everyone seemed to stop and stare, and the redhead ignored me, I realized, she was not Barb. Oh my. I looked around sheepishly and perceived people laughing at me, and – feeling like an idiot - I sat back down and pretended to read an email!
Summary of Scenario 1:
I look up from my emails, and I think I see Barbara at the other end of the mall. That is my (P) perception - my personal interpretation - my truth. Because my (B) beliefs about Barbara are that she is a good friend whom I like and whose company I enjoy; I feel positive (E) emotions, which give me the energy to perform the (A) actions of standing up and yelling, "Hey, Barb. I'm over here."
I then (P) perceive that I was wrong, and since I (B) believe that I made a fool of myself and that making a fool of myself is a "bad" thing, I experience (E) shame and (A) sit down and attempt to escape into my emails. I realize that my first perceptions were factually incorrect.
If I had believed that making a fool of myself was a "funny" thing, instead of a "bad" thing, I may engage in laughing at myself along with some other folks who are watching me.
If I believed that others should mind their own business, I might have confronted them and said, "Mind your own business!"
Concepts revealed in Scenario 1:
1. All my emotions are a direct result of my perceptions and beliefs.
2. All my actions are also a direct result of my perceptions and beliefs, which is why the formula has two equal signs.
3. Emotions come before actions in the formula because emotions are the fuel for the action. That is all that emotions are - fuel.
The Meaning of the Formula: P + B = E = A
P = perceptions (our personal interpretations of people, places, and things)
Our perceptions are OUR TRUTHs (whether our perceptions are factual or not!)
B = beliefs about our perceptions
Beliefs are what we have been taught by others, what we have read, or seen, or experienced regarding our perceptions.
E = emotions
It is vital to understand that our emotions are RESULTS of a combination of our perceptions plus our beliefs.
Emotions are the FUEL for our actions, but emotions ARE NOT the cause of our actions - though we often believe that we did something out of anger or out of joy, emotions do not dictate or design or determine or direct our actions!
A = actions
Actions are the RESULTS of our perceptions and beliefs.
Actions ARE NOT a result of what we feel. Let me repeat: our emotions fuel our actions, but emotions do not dictate, design, determine, or direct our actions - our perceptions + beliefs design our actions.
Application of the Formula: P + B = E = A
Why do I feel what I feel and do what I do?
How can I change if I want to?
We feel what we feel and do what we do because of what we perceive + what it is we believe about what it is we perceive! Our feelings and our actions will change automatically with any genuine change in our perceptions and beliefs.
Summary:
Perceptions plus beliefs create emotions (some form of love or fear) and the emotions serve as the fuel to perform the actions; however, the actions are also a direct result of the perceptions and beliefs, not a result of the emotions. If I did not perceive the person to be Barbara, and if I did not believe about Barbara as I do, I would not experience joy, and I would not stand and wave to get her attention.
Question: Have you ever been apathetic? If so, what did you do when you were apathetic? Most people answer that question with, "Nothing." They do nothing when they feel apathetic. That is because apathy is a lack of emotion, so there is a lack of fuel, so there is no action.
Scenario 2: (Fictitious scenario)
There is a woman I know who never stops talking, and her discourse is always only about herself. She is about 5 feet 5, short blond hair, a little stocky, and walks with a frantic energy. I find it difficult to get away from her once ensnared in her web. I'll call her "Spider" for now. I am sitting on a bench in the mall waiting for a friend, Barbara, to go to lunch with, when I spy "Spider." Since I don't want to miss Barb, I hesitate for a moment, but I also don't want to get spun into Spider's web, so ..... I surreptitiously rise and head inside the nearest store. It worked, she didn't see me, but as she passed, I realized it wasn't Spider after all! I feel guilty and foolish as I go back to my bench to wait for Barb.
Your Turn:
Now, look at Scenario 2 and answer the following questions:
1. Who/What did I perceive?
2. Was my perception factual? Yes or No
3. What were my beliefs about who/what I perceived?
4. What were my emotions?
5. What were my actions?
VITAL CONCLUSION:
If I want to change what I feel and what I do, I MUST change my perceptions and beliefs!
All permanent change in our lives comes from a change in our perceptions and beliefs!
VITAL CONCLUSION:
CALL TO ACTION
Questions?
Ask Jeanne
The purpose of this website is to help create positive, life-changing experiences. The best way to experience something is to do it.
After each of the Seven Steps, a “CALL TO ACTION” is provided which recommends an activity, or activities, to perform in order to experience the concept presented in the step.
The recommended activity for STEP 2 is:
Make Three Lists
- Make a list of three specific people for whom you experience feelings of love, or a strong liking, when your perceive them (actually see them, or think you see them, or you imagine you see them).
- Make a list of two groups of people for whom you experience feelings of love, or a strong liking, when your perceive them (actually see them, or think you see them, or you imagine you see them).For example: list a sports team you are on or one that you follow passionately, or a club you are in, or a group of people at work, or a religious group, or a choral group.
- Make a list of random things you experience positively.For example: a sense of freedom, a certain TV show, the concept of justice or fairness
Be Vigilant
For one week, make a note each day of the people, or groups of people, or things you find yourself experiencing positive feelings toward.
Examine Your Perceptions and Beliefs
- Pick one person you tend to experience in a positive way. Write down what you find.Example: Let’s say you have a brother or a sister that you love. Examine your perceptions and beliefs. Maybe your perception is that your brother or sister is someone you can be totally honest with and not feel judged or criticized, and that you believe trust is an important element in a relationship. Write that down.
- Pick one group of people you tend to experience positively and apply the steps described above, including writing down your perceptions and beliefs.
- Pick one item from your third list and apply all of the steps described above, including writing down your perceptions and beliefs.
Enjoy your week.
ALERT: For a wonderful, fun, group activity which allows everyone to experience this life-changing formula, go to Vital Information about Appendix A and Appendix A in my book: Finding Unconditional Love a Little “Peace” at a Time. If you have the print version go to page 243. For the FREE online version go to page 265, or simply click the pdf version button below:
It can be a great party “game.” I sincerely hope you will check this out, give it a try, and let me know how it goes.
STEP 3 provides information regarding the importance for us to empty our cup of the attacking thoughts we have toward ourselves, others, the world, and ideas that disturb us. Go there when you are ready to concentrate on the content of STEP 3.